Q1 : Part One
It's been a long time. A lot has happened since the start of the year and I very well could be talking to myself but hey, one's own company is still company, isn't it?
2007 started off on quite a different note than I'm normally accustomed to. Normally, the years have always started off a bit slow. Still recouping from Christmas and New Year's, the start of a new year feels like a big, giant stretch. Throw in a long, gaping yawn for good measure.
But this year, things started off on the rough side. My father suffered a massive heart attack and died on January 21. Very sudden, very surprising. We (meaning mother, brother and I) knew my dad had some heart issues, but he was on medication and it seemed like it was in check. Funny how that goes, eh? Maybe not. My father never conveyed to his family the severity of his condition. Was it out of protection for us? Was it out of fear of surgery or possible death? Was it because he thought it was fiction and that he needed a second opinion? Who knows. As blunt as this may sound, when it's your time it's your time. That's all we can tell ourselves.
They (whomever "they" are) tell you one goes through a series of emotions after losing a loved one. The denial. The anger. The acceptance. I have no clue where I stand in relation to those steps. I felt a whole lot of denial (and still do). I felt a shitload of anger (and still do). And I think I'm coming around to acceptance. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I don't know when it'll finally "hit" me. Right now we're just coping. Coping with all the daily crap that my father so easily left behind. Maybe I'm being rude or irrational. But it always seems greener on the other side, doesn't it?
He's gone. I miss him. My mother and brother miss him. That's all that's left.
2007 started off on quite a different note than I'm normally accustomed to. Normally, the years have always started off a bit slow. Still recouping from Christmas and New Year's, the start of a new year feels like a big, giant stretch. Throw in a long, gaping yawn for good measure.
But this year, things started off on the rough side. My father suffered a massive heart attack and died on January 21. Very sudden, very surprising. We (meaning mother, brother and I) knew my dad had some heart issues, but he was on medication and it seemed like it was in check. Funny how that goes, eh? Maybe not. My father never conveyed to his family the severity of his condition. Was it out of protection for us? Was it out of fear of surgery or possible death? Was it because he thought it was fiction and that he needed a second opinion? Who knows. As blunt as this may sound, when it's your time it's your time. That's all we can tell ourselves.
They (whomever "they" are) tell you one goes through a series of emotions after losing a loved one. The denial. The anger. The acceptance. I have no clue where I stand in relation to those steps. I felt a whole lot of denial (and still do). I felt a shitload of anger (and still do). And I think I'm coming around to acceptance. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I don't know when it'll finally "hit" me. Right now we're just coping. Coping with all the daily crap that my father so easily left behind. Maybe I'm being rude or irrational. But it always seems greener on the other side, doesn't it?
He's gone. I miss him. My mother and brother miss him. That's all that's left.
posted by DP at 7:36 PM
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