Bridezilla.
For the past month and a half, I've been on a mission to plan my wedding. And given all the horror stories I've heard of how this can be such a stressful and often terrible ordeal, I automatically thought that would never happen to me or my wedding. I mean, this is supposed to be the best moment of a couple's life so putting a wedding together should be blissful and romantic, right?
WRONG.
Seems that planning a wedding is a major PAIN.IN.THE.ASS. For those of you who've been through this, I'm sure you can totally relate. For those of you on the way, get ready 'cuz it ain't pretty.
I have been consumed with this wedding. I even have a wedding folder (accordion-style, of course) which compartmentalizes everything from guest lists, potential wedding dress designs, wedding cake designs, caterers, decorating options, photographers and even an Excel document breaking down which wedding reception venues are available on which dates, food & beverage minimums and whether or not they allow outside catering. I've come to realize that I'm no where near as anal as I thought I was.
I'm worse.
And the best part? I've only just begun. You see, my fiance and I are planning on getting married this November. And when I started planning, we had seven months. Plenty of time to put together a memorable event! But when you're in month two of trying to find a reception site, it can take a toll on your enthusiasm. And since he lives in Puerto Rico, I'm the one driving around town looking at venues and making anal Excel spreadsheets. To add to the drama, we only have one date to work with if we want to get married this fall (I'm not even going into why that's the case since it's a very long reason and it would probably end up confusing you guys) so that can make finding a venue a bit challenging. Not to mention trying to coordinate a photographer, videographer, caterer, hair/makeup person, mehndi artist (essential in becoming an Indian bride) and God knows what else to fit into that date. Good times, eh?
To make matters even worse, this planning is taking a toll on us. Yikes. With two families to think about and various Indian traditions to consider without totally offending either family, my fiance and I have had our fair share of arguments (what happened to "blissful and romantic"?) And when two people who are supposed to be "in love" start fighting, well, the pre-wedding doubts can start building up. Is this how it's going to be after the wedding? Are we going to get along? Will our families get along? Do we not know how to communicate? Does he/she value my opinions and input? As you can see, the list can go on and on. And once that chain of thoughts begins, it's hard not to focus on the negatives instead of thinking of the reasons why you wanted to marry this person in the first place. I've had to take a step back to do just that. To see the big picture and not let these little incidents, as exhausting as they can be, cloud my judgment.
So as crappy as wedding planning can be, I've started feeling a bit better about it. I've come to realize that with some big chunks of patience, tolerance and understanding (and some good, ol' fashioned lovin') things just might be blissful and romantic in the end.
WRONG.
Seems that planning a wedding is a major PAIN.IN.THE.ASS. For those of you who've been through this, I'm sure you can totally relate. For those of you on the way, get ready 'cuz it ain't pretty.
I have been consumed with this wedding. I even have a wedding folder (accordion-style, of course) which compartmentalizes everything from guest lists, potential wedding dress designs, wedding cake designs, caterers, decorating options, photographers and even an Excel document breaking down which wedding reception venues are available on which dates, food & beverage minimums and whether or not they allow outside catering. I've come to realize that I'm no where near as anal as I thought I was.
I'm worse.
And the best part? I've only just begun. You see, my fiance and I are planning on getting married this November. And when I started planning, we had seven months. Plenty of time to put together a memorable event! But when you're in month two of trying to find a reception site, it can take a toll on your enthusiasm. And since he lives in Puerto Rico, I'm the one driving around town looking at venues and making anal Excel spreadsheets. To add to the drama, we only have one date to work with if we want to get married this fall (I'm not even going into why that's the case since it's a very long reason and it would probably end up confusing you guys) so that can make finding a venue a bit challenging. Not to mention trying to coordinate a photographer, videographer, caterer, hair/makeup person, mehndi artist (essential in becoming an Indian bride) and God knows what else to fit into that date. Good times, eh?
To make matters even worse, this planning is taking a toll on us. Yikes. With two families to think about and various Indian traditions to consider without totally offending either family, my fiance and I have had our fair share of arguments (what happened to "blissful and romantic"?) And when two people who are supposed to be "in love" start fighting, well, the pre-wedding doubts can start building up. Is this how it's going to be after the wedding? Are we going to get along? Will our families get along? Do we not know how to communicate? Does he/she value my opinions and input? As you can see, the list can go on and on. And once that chain of thoughts begins, it's hard not to focus on the negatives instead of thinking of the reasons why you wanted to marry this person in the first place. I've had to take a step back to do just that. To see the big picture and not let these little incidents, as exhausting as they can be, cloud my judgment.
So as crappy as wedding planning can be, I've started feeling a bit better about it. I've come to realize that with some big chunks of patience, tolerance and understanding (and some good, ol' fashioned lovin') things just might be blissful and romantic in the end.
posted by DP at 1:26 PM
7 Comments:
Oh yeah!!! tell me about it. My brother just got married..and guess who did the planing and arrangments..ME. After marriage I changed his name to 'bugger'...grrrr
With all the people going through this now I've found a few common strings I'd like to share.
1. Doesn't matter if it's modern times or the '50's. The excuses may be different but the man gets out of the way and the woman does everything.
2. Surprising either fiance with a stripper for the bachelor/bachelorette party is no longer possible, it's too expected I don't care how creative you are.
3. I don't think registries should be allowed at walmart. You just can't show you care when you're forced to pick between a dozen wine glasses, excuse me, goblets, for $9.99 and rogaine. Yes, one of my friends ACTUALLY HAS ROGAIN on their registry.
4. Taking deep breaths and counting to yourself actually does work when it gets overwhelming in these planning situations
Good luck Deeps, it's gonna be great!
the ONLY reason i can't say "amen" to this is because i'm a white girl, not religious, not getting a cake, and have 50 people at my wedding. however, if i was a brownie, involved in my faith, had two wardrobe changes, and was working with a fiance in PR, i'd be all "hellllls yeah girl, i hear ya."
either way, ****HUUUUUUGSSSSS****** wish i could give oyu a hug. and P.S., i think you found out the key to enjoying this...remembering why you're getting married in the first place and knowing that if you two ran away to the middle of nowhere and got married it would be every bit as meaningful as the Monsoon Wedding you're about to have.
love you deepers.
and this is why i shall forever remain the bachelorette and never the bride.
Being Korean, we had to deal with many of the cross-cultural & family-intensive headaches that I imagine you're going through. TOtal pain in the ass. My wife and I fought a lot during the planning process. Basically, you just have to remember that it's a result of all the stress.
My advice? Delegate. We found a young & ambitious wedding planner who helped us immensely. Since she was just starting out, she only charged a very nominal fee. I can't even begin to tell you how great it was having someone to help follow up on all the little minor details that can drive a person insane.
As for family? I've got no advice for you. They've been driving me nuts for 37 years and will continue to do so for many more.
Um, yeah, so I got married once. The wedding was a huge success. The marriage, not so much.
Pre-wedding was a disaster - twice the parents of the groom decided they didn't want to come because they didn't get to pick a band, help choose the invitations or my dress, or pick the city we got married in. On the day of the wedding, my (now ex) mother-in-law was "stunned by my beautiful flower choices" (she thought we were having all carnations, I guess?) and my breathtaking dress (I honestly believe she thought I was getting married in a denim jumper with rhinestones since i'm from the south).
So I know what a pain in the ass it is and i TRULY and PAINFULLY understand how hard it is to deal with so many people who want their way. I know you have a LOT of things to work in but my best advice is this: choose your battles wisely. Figure out as a couple what things really matter to you and stick together like 3M square mounts that hold up to 1 ton.
The other stuff, be breezy on. But make sure they see a glint of steel in your eyes when you cast that breezy smile - they need to remember exactly which 2 people are getting married and no matter who writes the checks, YOU TWO are the ones getting married. I found that a nice breezy thing to say that always tended to quiet people down was "thank you for letting me plan our wedding. It must be fun to remember planning yours while I plan ours.. I'm sure I'll have the same reaction some day."
Of course, maybe my smart-ass mouth is why I'm now divorced. Hmmm....
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